Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this
time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
Stress Reliever # 2
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look
at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other
problem can there be greater than this one?"
Stress Reliever # 3
Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Stress Reliever # 4
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Stress Reliever # 5
to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his
Stress Reliever # 6
teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Reliever # 7
to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you
before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Reliever # 8
to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
Reliever # 9
husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.
Stress Reliever # 10
to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
Reliever # 11
did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.
Stress Reliever # 12
wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty
face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense
Reliever # 13
to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
Subject: Wife Vs Husband - Humor
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep,"the wife replied," in-laws."
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do
it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said," You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do
it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee"
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM" He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
(Forwarded by Grace)